My bf is an addict currently in treatment. What is the likeliness of our relationship suceeding?

Question by futureawaits21: My bf is an addict currently in treatment. What is the likeliness of our relationship suceeding?
i am 21, I met my BF bout a year and a half ago while attending bartending school. He worked there as one of the recriuters/representatives. from the day i first saw him it was like love at first sight. i almost felt like a little girl with a crush. i started school there and didnt get to finish the first time around so i recently went back this past january to finish. this time around our encounter led to an invite from him to go on a date to the movies. i was so happy i got that butterfly feeling in my stomach. so a few days later we went on a double movie date and everything went great. Although at this time i wasnt really interested in a serious relationship and we both agreed to keep it casual.

As time went on, i noticed many changes in his behavior and started to see he was different than i initially thought but i figured thats what happens when you “Get to know” somebody. But sooner or later i started to fall for him and all the while pretending to myself that i could be rid of him at any time without it bothering me. Soon enough he expressed to me that he too was falling for me and he wanted to make it official so after a short resistance…i agreed. Boy if i only knew….

And so now we were an “item” and i still kept feelings held back to a certian drgree and at the same time started to notice those “differences” in his behavior were happening more often and worsened. He would have emotional outburts, lose his temper and always seemed up tono good…hiding things…lying etc. And so money started to go missing from my purse and he always owed other people money. DING DING DING i knew then exactly what was going on but still denied it in my head because now i relaized i really did care for himm and started to love him.

He was on drugs. One of my best friends is now a recovered addict who is the kindest and most special person to me who i helped get over her addiction. SO this is why i wasnt so quit to judge. it was almost like i knew all along but didnt want it to be true because i knew what a terible problem was set before me and i didnt want it to ruin the feelings i had towards him.

So bascially we have since disscussed this issue and i understand why and what his addiction is. He has since lost his job, car, and certain relationships in his life. He is such a smart, caring and loving person… like my friend but the drug has taken over his life. Saturday night i drove him to the airport where he left for treatment in Florida. He seems determined and motivated to get clean for i have been trying to give him tough love and basically told him i will not stand for the lying and decieving and if he doeesnt want to get help then we will not be together.

He has promised and seems sincere that we will soon have a normal life together. i beleive that is what he wants but i dont know if it is truly possible. the most painful thing is now i have to lie. my family who adores him, has been asking questions about his car and job and why he left so quickly to florida since i told them he was going to visit family. he will be gone for 30 days and says he wants to go to a halfway house when he gets back. i am so proud of him for making the choice to get help but at the same time i’m sad that this has to be an issue at all.

I personally feel like God sent him to be since it is in my nature to help people…especially good people. i know i could find someone who doesnt have these problems and it would be so easy for me to just dessert him but he needs me. So for that i feel guilty for wanting to get out. At the same time i want to help him and be supportive since i know he is all the things i want depite this serious and unfortunate problemso we can have that life we both want so bad. i am afraid that with all my best efforts the realtionship will fail and i will feel empty and exhausted after loving him unconditionally and without judgement.

Thanks for listening and any feedback will be great

Best answer:

Answer by Amy S
Nobody can judge if a person will stay sober, especially the one with an addiction. You may want to find a Alanon group close by. They are confidential, you may get some tools to help you..if he slips or falls off the wagon. I was married to a ‘practicing alcohlic” for over 20 years, till I finally had enough. I guess some do go “straight/stay sober” but I havent met any.

Answer by passionatefruit
OK. If you’re in, you’re in. What I mean is that you can either stick this out with him and see him through (because he’s going to need a lot of support- emotionally, mentally, physically, and psychologically), or you can make up your mind and just leave him; there’s no in and out about this, if you’re in, you’re in. I know you’re not his mother, but it’s you who can turn his life around, if you want. He needs someone who he can trust during his treatments because it’s going to be a long tough road. He needs someone who will not let him get away with bullsh.t, meaning he needs to be responsible for his own actions. This is not all about him, it’s about you too. You’re coming out of this addiction, just like him. You’re holding back your feelings to not tick him off, and this kind of relationship is not healthy. You both have get back to a normal state, pre-dating. This is going to be a tough road, but you have to make up your mind. Don’t feel guilty because this was his choice, not yours. So you have a tough decision to make; either leave your man to face his own addiction and recovery, or stick with him through the end. If you truly love this guy unconditionally like you say, you’ll know the answer in your heart. Good luck!

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